Alright, folks! Let's get serious... well, as serious as possible when comparing these two things. Thanks for reading my article! You should applaud yourself... unless you are a high-ranking defense official or the person who invented the “Special Sauce”. In that case, please contact an agent about USO tours or McDonald's commercials.
So, here's a thought: What is truly America's most popular export? What product are Americans known for globally? Is it military superiority... or the Big Mac? [1, 5]
It's a tough one! Let's consider the pros and cons!
First off, global reach. The U.S. military has bases everywhere! Projecting power, securing interests, and more! [1] Very impressive. But can you walk into a remote village and get a guided tour of an aircraft carrier? Probably not. [1] Can you find a Big Mac... or something that claims to be a Big Mac? The answer is yes! [5] McDonald's is in over 100 countries! [5] That's some serious global reach! And it smells better than jet fuel!
Accessibility. To experience American military superiority, you must be born here, enlist, or be a strategically important ally with a hefty defense budget! [1] It's exclusive! To experience a Big Mac, you need a few dollars and the ability to use your hands. [5] Which one seems more... available? You can't just have a fighter jet delivered to your door! "Estimated delivery time: Sometime after the next world summit." [1]
Assembly. Consider the components of "military superiority." Years of research, top-secret tech, billions of dollars, highly trained scientists, intense field testing! [1] What goes into a Big Mac? Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun! Assembled by the night shift worker who is hoping their shift ends soon! [5] Now, the night shift worker is not less important than a nuclear physicist, but their mistakes are less likely to end life as people know it! [5]
Customer Experience. Imagine the complaint line for military superiority: "Yes, hi, the drone defense system is accidentally targeting squirrels in my backyard." [1] The Big Mac complaint line: "My fries are cold!" The fries get quicker service! [5] Just don’t ask them to stop asking you to pull over and wait at the Drive Thru Window. Both the Big Mac and that Good ‘ol boy Military Superiority come with a price and demands.
Finally, popularity. How do you measure popularity for these two things? For military superiority, is it strategic influence? Global fear? Demand from allies? [1] For the Big Mac, it's just sales! Billions served! [5] Which sounds like a more straightforward measure of popularity? Who wakes up craving "geopolitical leverage"? Nobody! But billions wake up craving a greasy breakfast sandwich that will hold them over until their Big Mac lunch! [5]
Military superiority is important. It's... there. [1] But when it comes to a product that's truly globally recognized, easily accessible, relatively affordable, and brings billions immediate, questionable satisfaction... the Big Mac reigns supreme! [5]
- Kill a cow, grind it up and form a hamburger patty.
- Target some country you or an ally label as terrorists.
- Apply flames to both of the above.
- Profit.
If the United States sold military superiority the way Big Macs are sold, U.S. Citizens should be getting financial dividends each year.
In the meantime, I’ll be here trying to figure out which one is giving more heartburn! [5]